This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
