We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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