i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
