You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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