Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
