my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
