it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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