so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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