finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
