If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
