Plan B is the new Plan A
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
