i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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