So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize