yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
