my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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