Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
