She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
