watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I enjoy the company of your penis
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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