It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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