Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
