You're so nebulous sometimes
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
