Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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