Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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