Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
