Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
