I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
