Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
