In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
