Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
