the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
