you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
