So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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