hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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