just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My breasts were aching with rage.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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