Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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