Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
