i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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