I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
