the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
