You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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