You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The best revenge is premature balding
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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