last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Bring me that man meat
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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