You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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