You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is it because I queefed?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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