his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
