Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
