I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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