Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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