Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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