I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
