The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
