My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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