Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize