I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
