The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have fence marks all over my body
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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