It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
