Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
