It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
