Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
