The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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