Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
