Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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