okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
