sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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